Conundrum

  • by Jan Morris
  • Narrated by Roy McMillan
  • 5 hrs and 12 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

This remarkable memoir is the classic account of the transgender journey. It is all the more extraordinary because it is the life story of a figure who, it seemed, seamlessly and publicly charted a course through the English establishment - James Morris, outstanding journalist, historian and travel writer, famed for a peerless writing style. But all the while he was concealing a very different inner world: from the age of four he felt that, despite his body, he was really a girl.
Determined to be true to an undeniable inner impulse, James Morris, in his 40s, became Jan Morris. It was the 1970s, a time and culture far from our 21st century, where such matters have now become commonplace. What was it that impelled him to take such a frightening and irrevocable step? He faced the mental and physical challenges - the operation had to be done in Morocco and, as a well-known figure, attention from the world media could not be avoided. What pressures would that put on the family - a loving wife and growing children living in a North Wales village? But that inner impulse could not be denied.
Jan Morris tells the story in a clear and honest manner, without a trace of sentimentality or sensationalism. She recounts the emotional, physical, sexual and social issues that abound on such a journey in detail and, through this highly personal memoir, presents a memorable insight into the 'conundrum'. Jan is modest by nature, and it is only by implication that one becomes aware of the immense courage and integrity needed to see the transition through.
This is a deeply moving, beautifully written, unforgettable memoir. Sensational - yes, in a quiet way. Revealing - yes; no punches are pulled. But in the end, it is humane and uplifting.
Jan Morris, now in her 90s, has written a new introduction for this recording. Roy McMillan has recorded Morris' major historical work, the Pax Britannica trilogy (available on Audible), and is the ideal reader for Conundrum.

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What the Critics Say

"A perfectly formed work of art, achieving the state of grace to which its creator so elegantly aspires." (Times Literary Supplement)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

"A troubled soul achieving serenity"


Published in 1974 Conundrum is Jan Morris’s account of her life from a four-year-old boy in a loving family convinced that unlike his older brothers he is a girl, to her full transition to a woman finally completed nearly four decades, a faithful wife and five much loved children later. Now in her nineties, she has written an insightful preface for this recording.

James Morris had a tremendously successful career as a revered journalist (reporting all over the world including in Nepal on the successful 1953 conquering of Everest), travel writer and historian, but his life as a man amongst men (and James Morris met and worked with a multitude of powerful and interesting people including Che Guevara and Adolf Eichmann ) accentuated his own deeply incised dichotomy and sense of duality. His story progresses from school with its sexual indulgences, through to marriage with Elizabeth with whom she now has a civil partnership and who was fully aware of Morris’s state of mind, the fulfilment of raising four children, the shared grief of a baby’s death, years of hormone treatment and finally the surgery in Morocco, all related with complete honesty underplaying the courage and pain involved.

What makes Conundrum such a brilliant classic apart from the biography itself is Morris’s fine intellect and superb writing. She delves into the swirling depths of her psyche as the conflicts and all-consuming drive for change are worked through. Her path through all this has been not so much sexual as spiritual. She muses on the sexual equivocations in world religions and civilisations as she moves from detestation of her male body towards achieving a form of peaceful transcendence where there is neither man nor woman. And this she does, discarding not the truth of herself, but the falsity. Joyful after her final surgery she feels ‘like a princess emancipated from her degraded disguise’. Her troubled soul has achieved serenity.

Roy McMillan reads Conundrum with totally absorbing and respectful dignity. It’s appropriate for him as he has also narrated Morris’s great historical work, the trilogy Pax Britannica (available on Audible) which he was immersed in writing before and after the surgery.
An outstanding recording!


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- Rachel Redford

Book Details

  • Release Date: 25-05-2017
  • Publisher: Ukemi Audiobooks