Sh-t My Dad Says

  • by Justin Halpern
  • Narrated by Sean Schemmel
  • 3 hrs and 7 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

The worldwide Twitter sensation: a brilliant new comic voice, and a 100% real father-son relationship that makes Steptoe and Son look healthy....
'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me….'
Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and 'this is the sort of shit he says':


'You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.'
‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’
‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’
‘The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’
‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

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What the Critics Say

'SMDS shows Justin inherited his father's comedy genes and, as well as being very funny, also paints a great story of regular American family life -- albeit with added swearing.' (Guardian Guide)
'Justin's dad says a lot of funny things, and when he decided to update Twitter with some of his old man's pearls of wisdom he became of an overnight sensation. This book includes some of the best quotes from Mr Halpern senior. You will roar with laughter.' (The Sun)
'With a million-plus followers, Justin became a Twitter sensation by posting his grumpy 73-year-old dad's 'wisdom'. Now he's produced a book about their relationship. Is it wrong to kind of wish his dad was our dad too?' (Cosmopolitan)
'A chaotic, real-life portrait of a father/son relationship.' ( TNT Magazine)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

Brilliant.

I listened to this book in one go and I think I'll do it again. The book was read well by Schemmel, the impression of his dad was funny but it's obviously what his dad says that made me laugh the most, especially about him finding the porn tape and why he was taking a girl to Vegas.
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- Kindle Customer

Love this - listened twice

Fabulous story, well read by the narrator, listened to it twice now. well done !
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- Nicci H.

Book Details

  • Release Date: 30-06-2010
  • Publisher: Pan Macmillan Publishers Ltd.