And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.
As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire - too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead - he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have…and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.
Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.
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Customer ReviewsMost Helpful
By Kindle Customer on 09-01-17
Brilliant take on vampire stories
This book is so funny. I had wondered myself what would happen if someone was 'turned' while fat. This book answers that question better than I could have hoped for. Funny, sad and poignant, in society's obsession with physical perfection, even vampire society. Loved it.
Customer ReviewsMost Helpful
By Jim "The Impatient" on 15-12-16
Grows On You and becames Warm and Fuzzy
HE'D GIVEN UP DAYTIME AND DONUTS
Don't let the cover of the book fool you. This is a well written book with a great central character. It is not LOL funny, not like Moore's Vampire series, but it is smile funny. I am a sucker for misfit type books and a FAT VAMPIRE is a misfit vampire. It took me a little while to warm up to it, but by the middle of the book, I could not stop listening. I especially love the theme of the book. I am buying book two. When you buy and listen to the book, don't give up until the little girl enters the picture. The story really took off from there.
The narrator reads real slow, I put him on 1.25 and he sounded normal. At 1.5 he would probably still sound normal.
36 of 42 people found this review helpful
By Rock Star Kimberly on 23-06-14
You've never read a vampire tale like this.
Bram Stoker wrote the rules on vampires. Those rules held firm until Anne Rice came along. She changed the rules and upped the sexy. Now, vampires are everywhere and come in myriad varieties. There are sparkly vampires, time traveling vampires, no-need-for-blood vampires, demon vampires, Christian vampires — all kinds of vampires. Authors have been set free from the Stoker and Rice rules, but apparently, one rule remains. Vampires must be hot. Dead, apparently, is sexy. It’s the unbreakable vampire rule. Until now.
Johnny B. Truant has written a hilarious book about a …you guessed it … fat vampire. Turns out, dead really isn’t so sexy after all. Just ask Reginald.
Reginald Baskin is an overweight, middle-aged cog in the modern corporate machine. He’s totally average, completely ordinary, except that he is fat. Very, very fat. Reginald is a playground bully’s wet dream — that kind of fat.
When Reginald goes on a rare evening out with the new guy at the office, he gets a lot more than he bargained for. What he gets is dead. Vampires have to be hot, right? Everybody knows that, so Reginald is initially pretty stoked. But it soon becomes clear that the “hot” rule is not going to apply to him. His maker informs him that when people make the decision to become one of the undead, they train relentlessly to acquire the body and skills that they’ll have for eternity. Over time, their natural talents and aptitudes will get a boost, but it’s not a sure bet from the outset. Since Reginald’s turning was a spur of the moment situation, he’s destined to spend eternity in his own, fat body.
Reginald’s efforts to thwart the realities of his new existence were both touching and entertaining. Sure, this is a vampire tale, and we all know there are enough of those around, but Truant goes out of his way to avoid all the usual vampire tropes and tells a fresh story with humor as its anchor.
The author’s conversational style and tone is a perfect fit for spoken narration. From the second I started Fat Vampire, it was as though I’d just sat down at the local pub, and the guy next to me said, ‘Hey, let me tell you what happened to this guy I know.’
3 of 4 people found this review helpful