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By Kelly Howard on 15-10-12
Too bad negative stars isn't an option
I'm not going to deal with the plot. It's too painful. Let's talk characters instead. Every character in this book suffers a truly massive case of HCSS (Horror Character Stupid Syndrome); the book is a textbook example of Roger Ebert’s "Idiot Plot" (defined as any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots).
Case in point: all through the book, characters have watched a number of friends/colleagues get sliced, diced, & devoured by the Giant Primordial Squid. The GPS suckers (ha!) in the victims by using its Dead Friend Decoys, which it creates using tentacles which have the ability to swell up into lookalikes of the people it’s eaten. Near the end, one character had to be left behind for a while, all alone in the dark with the monster, pretty much guaranteed to get eaten. The gang eventually goes back into the cave & they see the stranded woman standing in the dimness, blank-faced, mute, animated as a stuffed moose, looking exactly like a brainless fake. Does the gang say “Oh no, she got eaten, it’s a decoy! Run away!” Do they hell: “Gasp! She’s alive!” And two of them run to her and give her a big hug. Slurp! I don’t consider this a spoiler because my turtle could see this coming and was not surprised.
The characters are so two-dimensional they’re not even good stereotypes. We have:
The Super Soldier who, through no fault of his own, has been transformed into Something Beyond Human, so of course no one could possibly love him and he’ll never get to know love again, like he had with She Who Had to Be Left Behind. Does he find love with the Super Smart Scientist Girl (who can somehow see past his cool exterior to the warm yet damaged, hidden heart within)? No points for guessing correctly.
The Evil, Greedy Yet Banal Scientist: For anyone old enough (or unlucky enough in reruns) to see the original “Lost in Space” TV series, this guy is more obnoxious & fingernails-on-chalkboard irritating than Dr Smith. What’s even harder to believe is the response of the other characters to this guy: he’s sneeringly condescending, insulting, nagging, nit-picking, tantrum-throwing, sexual-pass-oozing, & power-tripping throughout the book. He repeatedly insists upon moving the whole bunch ever-deeper into the cave so that they end up serving themselves as sequential meal courses for the monster, in order to demonstrate his ‘revolutionary’ machine and make mega-bucks for himself. But everyone treats him with incredible patience and forbearance; nobody even snaps at the guy, making then all immediate candidates for sainthood in my book.
The Super Smart Scientist Girl:
…I can’t go on. You can fill in the blanks.
The science in this book is beyond ridiculous. I know it’s fiction so the author gets to make stuff up. I discovered –and have loved-- science fiction since I was 9. But these compressed-air-bullet weapons are real doozies. Not solid projectiles powered by air. These guns fire adjustable-sized….wads…of compressed air that shoot through ambient air (without dissipating) & impact things just like bullets. As if you could call forth your inner mime & pretend to make a snowball, pack it down tight, throw your pretend-air ball at a window & watch the shards fly! Just like that, only at bullet speeds. Sorry, not even my disbelief suspension mechanism is up to that.
(Well, just goes to show how little I know. There is an actual picture of a biological version of this weapon, Shukaku expelling an air bullet, at the Naruto wiki, under Drilling Air Bullet Harbour Blow. The technique is explained quite simply, under Drilling Air Bullet. It's so obvious --the amount of chakra makes them powerful-- I'm surprised I didn't think of it.)
The size of the monster is another issue: it’s variously compared to a blue whale (90-100 ft) and a 747 (184- 250 feet, depending on the model) sized. Apparently not even the author knows out how big the thing is.
Small peeve; (but really, the book is so bad it begs griping at minutiae): the reader pronounces “debris” as “DEB-ree” which would be irritating enough, but evidently it’s the author’s favorite word. It was used more than 14 times in a little over 2 hours. When I start counting things, I KNOW an audiobook is irretrievably awful.
A much, much better biological SF/thriller is “Fragment,” by Warren Fahy it’s got better science AND is more exciting, has better characters, writing, etc. Better read, too. There are times in “Fragment” when the scientific explanations may be somewhat overwhelming to the non-scientist, but even if you zone out in those small spots the book is a decent page-turner and, at times, a lot of fun.
Step away from "Beneath the Dark Ice" and put down your wallet. You will regret the lost money and time.
190 of 218 people found this review helpful
By Tracy P. on 16-12-17
Action Packed Amazement!!!
Would you listen to Beneath the Dark Ice again? Why?
I would absolutely listen again to this riveting, hold onto the seat of your pants masterpiece! The imagination involved in creating this thrill ride is unprecedented!
What did you like best about this story?
Anything went in the center of the earth. Just when I thought nothing could top the horror this handful of people could face... something does!
Which character – as performed by Sean Mangan – was your favorite?
I was fascinated by Alex Hunter's ability to keep his emotions at bay in the most stressful situations. His undaunted professional demeanor is the only thing which kept the scientists trudging along. His resolve was unflappable, and to say it was impressive is putting it mildly.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I got very emotional with the nonstop, unrelenting "surprises" from this netherworld. Things completely unfamiliar to the world as we know it would suddenly appear and do the most ghastly, unimaginable things. These would make my heart race and I would root for the characters to "MOVE IT!"
Any additional comments?
Sheer genius! What a joy to listen... I am in awe of Mr. Beck.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
PS: This is NOT for the feign of heart. It will get your heart pumping from the beginning and it won't slow to the VERY end.... This one is a MUST LISTEN, and WILL NOT Disappoint!
4 of 4 people found this review helpful