What to do if Matthew, your secret lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife, Sophie (and their two daughters), and move into your flat, just when you're thinking that you might not want him anymore? PLAN A: Stop shaving your armpits. And your bikini line. Tell him you have a moustache that you wax every six weeks. Stop having sex with him. Pick holes in the way he dresses. Don't brush your teeth. Or your hair. Or the stray hag-whisker that grows out of your chin. Buy incontinence pads and leave them lying around. PLAN B: Accidentally on purpose bump into his wife, Sophie. Give yourself a fake name and identity. Befriend Sophie. Actually begin to really like Sophie. Snog Matthew's son (who is the same age as you by the way; you're not a paedophile). Buy a cat and give it a fake name and identity. Befriend Matthew's children. Unsuccessfully. Watch your whole plan go absolutely, horribly wrong. Getting Rid of Matthew isn't as easy as it seems, but along the way, Helen will forge an unlikely friendship, find real love, and realize that nothing ever goes exactly to plan.More
"Fallon delivers the goods in a believable and scathingly funny voice. She gives Helen and Sophie the human bumps and curves that make them so alive, you'll find yourself wishing you could ring them for lunch." (Cleveland Plain Dealer)
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Made by the excellent reader
- Simon Evers
Funny story, beautifully read