Hold On to Your Kids

  • by Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté
  • Narrated by Daniel Maté
  • 12 hrs and 20 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggests, lies in attachment: Children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon "peer orientation", which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong; for values, identity, and codes of behaviour.
This peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for school-yard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta; and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.
Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles, and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to parent and satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards them for their source of authority, contact, and warmth.
Daniel Maté’s warm and sensitive narration, gift with dialogue, and engagement with the authors writing make this an enjoyable and informative listen.


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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

It inspired me to be a better mum

This book marked a turning point in my life. I come from a latin-american background, where part of the culture is the imposition of ideas to our kids, we don't give them much space for developing their decision making process and diminish their own ideas or right to chose by not asking, just imposing.

We also tend to speak in a loud voice, and I personally got to the point of shouting at my 7 year old son every time something was not according to my point of view or desire.

This book taught me how important it is to show them respect, not only by listening, but also, by not imposing / forcing our kids to accept one idea as true. It also provided me with a number of tools for collecting, communicating, connecting and spending true time together.

I even decided to drop the number of working days, so that I could spend one school day taking him to school, bringing him to have lunch at home (I'm the only mum in the whole school doing this!) and really enjoying our life together, despite the tiredness, routine and troubles of life.

Hold on to Your Kids; the most motivating and awakening book I've ever read (or heard for the case). Thank you Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, I hope it moves many more parents, helping the world to be a better place, as it helped me to make my home a better place.

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- Andrea Woloschin


This book should be a must read for all parents. I was figuratively nodding my head nearly constantly in response to the author's points. I had so many light bulbs go off in my head and have a list as long as my arm of people I want to share this book with. But most of all I think it has saved the relationship to my son. And I think we should not stop here. These learning about attachment in relationships are fundamental and can benefit any relationship. A big thank you to the authors for your insight and sharing this message with the world
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- Sarah

Book Details

  • Release Date: 10-04-2012
  • Publisher: Post Hypnotic Press Inc.