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  • Unconditional Parenting

  • Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • By: Alfie Kohn
  • Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
  • Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (226 ratings)
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Unconditional Parenting cover art

Unconditional Parenting

By: Alfie Kohn
Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
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Summary

One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor

What listeners say about Unconditional Parenting

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

This book has been thought provoking and a revelation.

This audio has been so thought provoking I felt I needed to leave a review (the first I've ever written).

This audio has challenged the way I have been interacting with my child on every level. It's made me stop and think and treat my 5 year old with respect and as little human being in his own right with his own thoughts and feelings.

I'd fallen into the trap of do this, do that, do as I say and then getting cross with him when he didn't, leaving me struggling to get him to comply.

The best words of advice from this audio... talk less, listen more!

We now discuss things, work out solutions together. Explain why we are doing things or not to do things. I'm teaching my son empathy, problem solving, negotiating skills instead of teaching him to just follow rules!

We've a long way to go but Ina few short weeks we're connecting more, have less tears, life is easier and more fun!

Although a little slow to get going, do bare with it because the tools you will take away will be invaluable.

Highly recommended.

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13 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

must read

In the multitude of trends and advice on disciplining practices this book is a breath of fresh air, concentrating on principles of education. When you love your child this way is a no brainier as it does not require that you be mean or manipulative. The only but is that it is really hard work as it requires sooo much patience and often time.

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6 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Good concept, but verbose

I grew tired of Kohn labouring the same point chapter after chapter and his vague approach to citing research. His writing style is longwinded and lacks impact. I upped the replay speed again and again before opting for a refund. Similar concepts are communicated far more effectively in the work of Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson.

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3 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Bring an end to the power struggle with kids

I enjoyed this book because it
> coherently articulates what's dangerous about how we mindlessly control our kid's
> Identifies parental fears
>Gives reasons as to why most parents fall into the usual traps
>Gives very practical strategies of how we can build more harmonious and happier relationships
> speaks to reason
> I didn't feel the need to make notes as it just brings to light principles we hold in our heart but have been made to ignore by the way we were raised and how society is shaped today.

What I didn't enjoy so much :)
>some points were overly laboured
>Authors tone of voice was at times patronising but also very passionate so overall it didn't matter.

This is my favourite book on parenting so far. I've previously read
> The brain child
> Raising our children raising ourselves
> The book you wish your parents had read

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2 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Good start bad ending

Show his case very well but in my opinion failed to offer really applicable alternative ways or how to apply his hypothesis.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Excellent

Well written, explained and researched. Would recommend this to any parent or career of young children.

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Thought provoking and uplifting

If you open your mind to the worldview of Alfie Kohn presented in this book then it will change your life! Or it has for me. Rather than suggesting a parenting methodology, this book presents a parenting philosophy. It will certainly be difficult to change my actions in accordance with my new beliefs about human cognition and behaviour, but I'm excited to try!

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Excelent content! to be teached all over!

I liked the documentation of the studies, conclusions and examples. Accessible vocabulary and phrases, good reading.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

By far the parenting book I agree most with

This book is the real deal. It's progressive and challenging, but also one of the few parenting books that tells you the reasons, motivations and values behind it's arguments and suggestions. Let alone the tone of scientific research cited to bring home it's point. I've also listened to Punished by Rewards from the same author and would say that this one is even better. It has become my parenting ideal and I hope I come as close to it as possible. Enjoy! (4 points for story just because there isn't any)

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Such an amazing and very insightful book

I loved everything about this book and how to involve your children and see them as individuals that has a say in their life too!

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